i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
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Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
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