I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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