I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
