Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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