i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
