end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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