I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Don't make out with my wife yet
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just pee around me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
