I have demons in me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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