Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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