Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
