NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize