guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
