Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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