Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
