I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
