based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
