Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
