My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
