PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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