to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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