The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
