i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
