that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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