My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
