Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
