is your mom at the bar?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
