I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
