woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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