well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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