end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
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They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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