well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Someone came in the potted fern
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
