I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
