Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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