what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
