Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
