Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
