your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
