That's intense
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
