i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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