True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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