Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
