Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
