Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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