My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
