I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize