okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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