I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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