By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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