I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
