I just threw up on my dentist
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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