When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
