I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
