You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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