hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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