trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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