UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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