I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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