I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
