I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We are two peas in an std pod
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
