A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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