Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
