Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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