she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
