It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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