we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
