I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize