Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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